I’m giving myself this year to become the version of me that’s been hidden for so long. I’m so over being ugly, and I’ll be ruthless in my methods to get there. First task will be severe weight loss, then fix up my skin. (Currently on accutane). Lets see how far I go.
Sounds good but be careful with introjection.
Now, the sense (opinions, etc.) that an individual has of themselves (including their sense of value, acceptance, etc.) is shaped by a psychological function called the "ego." Contrary to the common notion that "ego" means overrating oneself, in psychology, the ego refers to the function by which an individual discovers and asserts who they are based on their own original notions. Thus, someone with a strong ego is not necessarily someone who praises themselves excessively, but rather someone who can autonomously form a sense of their own identity.
However, the opinions you hold about yourself and your own worth can also be influenced by external sources. For example, if you constantly hear someone say that you are "fat"—even if your ego tells you otherwise—an inner voice may develop in your mind that insists, "I am fat."
The process of internalizing external commentary into our own psyche is called "introjection."
Over time, the ego’s role in asserting self-worth and identity can be overtaken by introjections. In extreme cases, the ego becomes so diminished that we might say it has "died," leaving the individual’s self-perception almost entirely dictated by introjections.
Unfortunately, a sociology book compiling various theories noted that most sociologists—despite their ideological differences—observed and agreed that individuals receive mostly negative stimuli from society. This constant molding through social interaction often involves threats, humiliation, punishment, and others negatives.
Combining these two ideas—that identity becomes dictated by society, stripping away the ability to autonomously define oneself, and that most introjections are negative—we see that many people internalize harmful beliefs about themselves.
In response to these negative introjections, individuals may seek to restore their sense of value. However, instead of rebuilding their ego, they attempt to derive worth from the very introjections that oppress them. And that is a mistake.
To illustrate this, consider some cases of body dysmorphia:
- A girl who was once overweight constantly heard from boys or her mother that she was "fat." She then starves herself and exercises excessively until she becomes thin. Yet, she still sees herself as fat because her self-perception is governed by past introjections. Even when others now tell her she is "skinny," these new introjections may not outweigh the old ones. She looks in the mirror and sees fatness because that is what the ingrained introjections dictate.
- A boy frequently hears contradictory opinions from his mother, whom he cares deeply about. One day, she tells him, "Your eyes are perfectly symmetrical—you’re so beautiful," and the next, she says, "Why are your eyes so ugly? You’re repulsive." Over time, these conflicting messages are internalized, causing him to oscillate between delusions of extreme beauty (and thus worthiness of love) and extreme ugliness (and shame). By adolescence, he exhibits erratic social behavior—one day avoiding people because he believes his face is grotesquely disproportionate, the next day acting with extreme confidence because he imagines his features have magically transformed. In reality, his appearance hasn’t changed; his perception is distorted by introjections.
- Another example: A boy whose self-worth is entirely comparative, dictated by societal introjections. To avoid feeling worthless, he must constantly prove himself superior to others. He chases wealth and status symbols, not for genuine fulfillment, but to escape the introjected belief that he is "fundamentally meaningless." He may even belittle others to artificially elevate himself, seeking temporary relief from his inadequacy.
- A woman refuses to date someone she’s attracted to because her introjections tell her that person is "low-value," and associating with them would diminish her own worth.
- A man engages in compulsive casual relationships to feel validated.
- A woman compulsively seduces multiple people to reinforce her sense of value.
While negative social stimuli have always existed, the increasing frequency of introjections—through letters, books, television, movies, and especially social media—has intensified this erosion of the ego.
Today, the prevalence of "toxic" people (and thus toxic relationships), largely shaped by this phenomenon, has reached near-epidemic levels in cities and social circles.
For this phenomenon, I propose the term **"Sociogenic Egoicide"**—literally, "the killing of the ego by societal dynamics." Possible remedies might include social isolation, the practice of "know thyself," and cultivating genuine pride rather than vanity.
